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Steve

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Scream your heart out [13 Jun 2006|11:31pm]
I think... I need to go to the hospital.
Amy when you see this we gotta talk.
Im way to tired.
I can barely type.
I cant even play with my kids or be with my fiance without feeling tired and sick.
1 Hope/He was a gentleman

You'll get through tonite [13 Apr 2006|01:50pm]
Mann... it's been a long ass time. Ive been real busy so havent really been on this too much.

I got accepted to my college. First choice too, its great. Then im still working my auto job. Fixing cars is what I do and love doing and im still making my good money, which is a major plus. Then taking care of our babies. I love them... with all my heart. I love my family. I want different things for them so im gonna be there for everything and through everything with them and for them. But I want Amy to give me the okay to tell people about them. Hopefully its soon. being with the woman I love. Of course thats Amy. But shes been working too. But its pretty cool that we both get off at the same time and everything. So we do spend a good amount of time together. But lately I havent seen her. I think they gave her more hours.

Then I went with my old man to the bar and pool hall for a few hours. It's weird how I found him. I got pulled over and I was giving him lip. Hah.

But a few people need to start talkin to me again or else...
Heather
Kat
Jay
Alex

I dont think you guys have a choice either, haha!

Steve
I love you Amy
2 Hope/He was a gentleman

But theres a light on in chicago [18 Feb 2006|03:18pm]
Not a lot has happened lately but some stuff did. Like I got accepted into Law school and its not too far from home so I still live in my house and save some money. So Amy's happy about that, so that makes me happy. Im almost finished with high school, Amy had our babies (absolutely beautiful, theyre all beautiful)I never knew you can love someone so much so quick and I got promoted at work. Everything is going so great, its amazing.

Amy never talks to any of our friends about our babies. I wanna tell everyone about them but I dont think she does. I dont know... I dont want them to be a secret. And I dont think everyone is stupid around here. Everyone knows everything. So maybe a few people know.

And I went out to lunch with Jim my dad and shot some pool. It was okay I cant stand him sometimes but then I always wanna be around him to learn everything that I shouldve from him. The hardest thing was telling him about how Scott died. Over some slut and an asshole. Fucking stupid... but anyways. I showed him his old room and we talked about everything else. My dad is one of those dads where you wanna yell at him and hit him but hug him at the same time.

Well im gonna go talk and hang out Amy and the babies.

Love you so much Aims
Steve
2 Hope/He was a gentleman

Bail us out [04 Aug 2005|01:27pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Ive been working so much its ridicoulous. The only good thing about it is im making more money than before. Me and Amy are doing real good. I dont think I ever had a girlfriend this great. But I just feel crappy cause ive been gone so much. Just work. But im taking my 2 week vaction like tomarrow. So tomarrow is my last full day of work then.. me and Amy are leaving town. Yep, im taking her on vacation with me. So Amy think of some places to go and let me know.

But yesterday I think was the first full day we spent together in like a week. Me=work Her=Alex and Ryan. Im just gald shes not alone all the time Im not sure about Ryan. Yeah I hate the guys guts. Ugh the only reason why I havent flipped out on him again is cause of Alex.. Then yesterday me and Amy just talked and hung out at the house She told me about her getting raped. Damn, im not cut out for being a good boyfriend. If I was a good boyfriend I would have found the guy. But she dont remember him all that well. She even thought I was gonna break up with her? I would never even think of it. I know she needs me and I need her. and it was a change. There wasnt a party for once, hah! Well im gonna go.

Steve
I love Amy

4 Hope/He was a gentleman

You bet me [30 Jul 2005|08:50pm]
[ mood | okay ]

So last night wasss... eventful? Im not gonna say much about it, its kind of a long story. Me and Dani hung for alittle bit and thats about it. Amy was out with Alex already. And yeah im back home now. Ive been back only for like a day though soo yeah. My cae is fixed thanks to Amy and Jay so thanks you guys.

Then I wake up to find Kat here what the hell.. I guess she was talking to Amy which was cool with me. But I didnt wanna talk, since I just woke up. And now Amy is telling me all this stuff. I dont nothing will happen and I hope Amy knows that too Rehab only fixes your drug and alcohol problems, doesnt fix whats in your head or how you act. And I hope she doesnt say anything else to Amy about 'her getting me back' cause I dont wanna start thinking about her again.

Well me and Amy are going out so see ya.

Steve
I love you Amy

1 Hope/He was a gentleman

You were so young [24 Jul 2005|10:19pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Alot has happend in the last few days so ill try to remember what all happend.

Well Amy moved in with me. Im really glad she did too Shes like way better than Kat. Amys nothing like her. Amy actually treats me like a boyfriend and doesnt sleep with my friends and the house is still standing, lol!

And you might have heard that im in the hospital I was cutting cause I thought I pissed off Amy or I made her do something. Then I got mad at myself. I know im stronger than this. I know I can handle my situations better. cause all of a sudden I just got really sick. So Amy had to drive me to the hospital ughh my car.

And we had a huge little aruement but everythings alright now. But im going to go. Im getting ready to pass out here.

Steve
I love you Amy

1 Hope/He was a gentleman

All I ever needed was you [18 Jul 2005|09:31pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I guess things has calmed down between me and Dani. But I really dont care what she does. Im not gonna be protective or anything of her. Cause I dont care Lie but I wont help her. Im just gonna just do my thing. Im over everything. And I feel better about everything. I even got me a girlfriend now. Yeah its Amy. We went on a date and everything. I thought I was moving way to fast but I just got this feeling about her

But last night I had to take her to the hospital cause she wasnt feeling good I dont want another girlfriend thats gonna be like Kat. Drinks, drugs and cheats on me everyday. I cant handle that but everything is fine with her. But I took her home cause the nurse was being a real bitch well ok.. we were doing it but still. Arent you supposed to knock anyways? Rude ass people. And when I got up she cooked this really good breakfeast. Shes the only girlfriend that ever cooked for me. It was nice. Im usually the one thats always cooking. But im gonne get going and see what Amys doing now. See ya

Steve

I swore she almost said I love you but maybe it was just me. But im starting to get that way about her

1 Hope/He was a gentleman

My last breath is gone [13 Jul 2005|03:15pm]
[ mood | okay ]

I cant believe Dani. Yeah now I know what Scott did and frankly.. I dont care Mom tried to say something about how there was something wrong with him.. like in the head I guess. He was still my brother, best friend, and pretty much my family. Your supposed to stick by your family no matter what but Dani doesnt know what that means. Dani.. all you care about is yourself.. I cant believe you. But im not gonna make this about you. Cause now.. I dont know you. Your just a stranger to me now. And I hope you got my comment, Have a nice dandy life.

I went to Scotts funeral the other day. All the real family was there. So I guess everyone knew what he did but of course.. Im always the last one to know. It was hard yeah. Everyone coming up to you, sayin sorry for the loss, then whatever else. Mom couldnt stop crying. My so called Dad came too. We didnt talk much. Im glad we didnt talk. More anger.. more cutting.. more hurt.. more cutting. Thats how it goes for me now Someone said I needed help. But I dont.. im fine. I feel 10x better now.

The other day me and Amy hung out I hope she didnt see my cuts, I dont wanna scare her or anything. I think im starting to like her. I took her out to the dot and we're goin on a real date soon. Im looking forward to it. I hope shes not like Kat. But Amy looks like a great girl.

2 Hope/He was a gentleman

[09 Jul 2005|02:32am]
[ mood | nauseated ]

So im done planning everything and funeral is monday. Some relatives are coming up so I gotta make them reservations at a hotel. Im still on my own. This is weird. I always had someone here with me but I can manage.

Dani stopped by and we faught and yelled and she puked talked for a few minutes. But I got up and walked in the bathroom to cut aviod her. But when I seen her outside after she puked she didnt look good so she came in and got cleaned up. I dont know what we are right now. I just wanna be left alone... really. I dont need anyone right now. No one. No one stuck by me anyways except for Scott but nope... an asshole took him from me.
I wanna be alone. Like I am now.

I cant stop cutting or drinking. Im not heavy on the drinking but the cutting I am. I cant help it now. Everytime im mad or upset. Out comes the razor. I have them in different places in the house. Glad no one can see em or find em. Then I heard Kat went to rehab? Good.. she needs it. I know I probably sounded like a real hypocrite but I dont care.

10 Hope/He was a gentleman

I will never look back [08 Jul 2005|05:49pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Me and Kat are over. For good. I cant take a liar and someone that thinks im stupid! Whatever. Theres other people but screw relationships. after everything ive said and done for her. I dont even know if I still love her.

I found my sister. Yeah I know weird huh? I wasnt being controlling, If I did sound like it, sorry. I was just watching out for her. Her and Jay hangin out? Kinda scares me. First he got Kat then Dani? I dont think so. Jay is my best friend but I dont want Dani getting sucked into this degrassi bull shit Its pretty cool, I havent seen her in almost ten years.

I found that guy. Fucking Ryan. I told him everytime I see him, im messing him up. Im gonna make sure he knows and relizes what he did.

Maybe I do need to get help now...

2 Hope/He was a gentleman

Ill never sleep again [06 Jul 2005|11:23pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

My life is gone. Scott's gone. Some fucking asshole killed him! Just wait till I find him. I would kill him myself! How can people do that? No one deserves to get killed... not like that. I dont care what Scott did before he got killed [[he doesnt know what Scott did. Dont say anything]], no one deserves that. Not my brother. Someone took my only family away. Scott taught me everything I know... he taught me about cars, girls, school, just life. He was my best friend. The only thing that has ever stayed true to me...

But I took my life into my own hands today. Yeah.. I tried to get myself serisously hurt. I started drinking immeditely when I came home. So like 11:00 in the morning. Then Kat came home but I locked myself in the bathroom and did more drinking. Starting yelling then I had something in my hand. I wont say what it was but.. I used it. I passed out in the bathroom on the floor. But Kat called the ambulance and everything. So thats where I am now. They have me on some watch thing. I feel so stupid. I know Scott wouldve kicked my ass if he seen me doing what I did. Him and Kat was all I could think about. But now I could lose Jay? Hes my best friend. Hes probably the closest thing ill ever have to Scott. Jays been like a brother to me too. But no one and nothing is gonna replace Scott.

I promised Kat I wouldnt do it again Why do I keep having thoughts about it? and im gonna see Jay once they let me out of this room. Now the rest of the hardest is coming. I have to tell Ma that hes gone and I have to plan his furneral. I dont know how im gonna get through this. I just dont know. But I promise to Scott... I will find out who did it.

Well Kat has to take the laptop so she can charge it for me. And im gonna try to sleep.
Im gonna have nightmares. I already had one. I cant sleep. I dont want their goddamn drugs either.

Steve
I love you Kat, Im sorry.

4 Hope/He was a gentleman

Its all that I got [05 Jul 2005|02:21pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

Alright... I have a really bad hang over and I hate it. But I think last night got pretty bad. Scott got into a fight with that Spinner kid. Then I started yelling at Jay. I didnt mean to. Everyone knows I dont solve my problems with alcohol and yelling matches. I would have talked to Jay like a normal person. But everyone was yelling and carrying on so I guess I just did it too and now hes in the hospital. That asshole better make it. I mean hes my best friend. Hes been nothing but nice to me Fine I guess you can call me a real real forgiving guy ,hell hes been like another bro to me. So im gonna go see him now and I guess Kats already over there of course.

Steve
I love you Kat

He was a gentleman

Every waking hour we spend together [02 Jul 2005|05:07pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

I know ive been gone alot but work calls. Im a mechanic now. I get real good money and I dont even have that many days to work. I love it. But yeah im hardly ever home. I have to drive almost a half hour to work if not alittle less. but last night I went to a party. I called Kat but no one answered. I guess she had a party to I heard but I dont care. Long as yhe cops dont come and she doesnt fuck around with other guys. And I had to work late and I was way to drunk tired to drive home so I just stayed with Scotts friend Mark. Then later on I came home and went back to bed but then I wake up to find garbage bags filled with garbage and beer cans. I took it out so Kat wouldnt. But whatever. Im not mad about the party. Long as nothing got fucked up.I love having her here with me. Coming home to her has been nice. I love her alot. I know im always gone but sometimes I cant help it. I guess I can start going to parties around here with her instead of going all the way out to *whatever place* Now im not sure whats gonna happen.

Steve

2 Hope/He was a gentleman

Im not burning out [23 Jun 2005|10:23pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Kat moved in with me and im glad she did. I love her. I seriously do love her. Even though I might not tell her that enough and I should tell her more. My brother Scott was completely cool with it. I know shes getting a feeling that I dont want her there but its not that at all. Its just im thinking about other stuff too. Like Candace, Kat, and I know I have to stop drinking all the time.Before I do something dumb I absolutely love having her here.

We had a aruguement the other day cause Cause I kinda want her to be ok with Candace and Candace to be ok with Kat of Scott. He can be dumb sometimes. But im gonna get going.

Steve

1 Hope/He was a gentleman

Alone at last [21 Jun 2005|06:01pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Im back now. I went to Cali with Candace and everything is good. Shes with a good guy now I think thats the guy Ash told me about his name is Jimmy and I havent talked to him yet. And I have no idea about Nick. Im glad she has someone now. So maybe things wont get wierd with us again

So a few days ago I asked Kat to move in. And I think she is. So now shes gonna be living with me and Scott. I think itll be good for all of us. But she did kinda scare me but its all good. But it sucks that Candace isnt friends with Kat anymore. I mean I love Kat but Candace is my best friend. I hope if we all hang out with each other that they act cool about everything.

Candace hasnt talked to me ina while and I hope its not cause of Kat.

Steve

1 Hope/He was a gentleman

The worst is over [19 Jun 2005|05:21pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Yeah im in California with Candace. I might be leaving ina few days though. Candace plans on staying here for awhile and I cant. I just cant. But it was good going to all the good clubs and seeing my friends again.

Kat im sorry. I had to go with her. Shes my best friend and I had to make sure she would be fine. I will be home ina few days though ok? Ill call.

Steve

1 Hope/He was a gentleman

I know im not your favorite record [15 Jun 2005|02:18pm]
[ mood | calm ]

So yeah. I was in the hospital cause I got into a car accident and the fucking guy was drunk. So you know what? Im getting some money. And I was coming from Candaces houseWe got into another fightand we were talking. And Kat came to the hospital and stayed with mewe almost had sex then the nurse came in trying to give me a shot on my ass. And I know its supposed to get on my arm. Idiot. But im Brandon Frasier so I dont know who she was talkin about.

Last night was the prom and me and Kat went. She looked so beautiful. Even though everything got ruined with sauceI know who it was, kinda obvious.Durand after prom we had a party at Kats where then I got into a fight. Well ive been drinking so its not good time to fuck with me especially if I dont know you and your talking about my girlfriend. And I think hes still outside knocked out in front of Kats. Whoops!

Then I went to the hospital this morning cause of the fight and the car accident and Candace came. Could it be at a worse time? She told me she loved me and I cant say it back. Kat loves me now and I cant leave her. Why did she wait so long to tell me? She still has Nick I looked like crap plus with a hangover. Well im gonna get going, peace.

Steve

He was a gentleman

My hearts not beating [11 Jun 2005|03:05pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

Well Candace had her baby and the chances of me and her are gone. Nick is backand she is beautifulJust like her mom and Kat is back too. Im sorry Kat. Just alot was going on. You confused me and I took it the wrong way So these last few days I had some fun. Went to the bars, clubs and parties with my bro and some of his friends. Pretty awesome.

Ok..tonite..there is gonna be a party...and im leaving for awhile. Someone had a problem back home and im staying with them for awhile. So come by tonite or something and hang out. You might now see me for a couple months no...this is gonna be the last time probably See ya.

Steve

He was a gentleman

[07 Jun 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | sick ]

I think I got really messed up last night. Uhhh I have the worst hang over ever. Blah. I think I was acting so dumb with picking on Jay and everything. Sorry man you got me started! And someone told me I striped too? Wow hope it was a good site. Hah!

I seriously wasnt in a good mood cause Kat left.. I was starting to like her so much. I was moving on. Alex did, Ash did. Im only one left. But Kat told me everything she felt about me. And man..I wish she was here still. I didnt even get to see her or anything my bro was all like "you gotta come home early and blah blah im dumb scotty!" and shit. Whatever man.

Steve

8 Hope/He was a gentleman

Who will see me now? [05 Jun 2005|09:48pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

So..last night. I went to a party with Kat and we get along great. Shes so fun. And a few drinks..then a few beers..we were totally relaxed and out of no where something happened Yeah we kissed each other for a few minutes. So..yeah..most of you know what this means.

Me and Alex broke up. I made a mistake ok? Everyone does, it happens. But Alex... Im so sorry. Im truly sorry. We hardly seen each other and I wanted to see you But you were always with Jay. but you were busy all the time and so was I. But I do care about you Alex.

So me and Kat need to talk. We need to talk asap.

Steve

He was a gentleman

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